just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
