He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
