new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
