Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
