sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
