just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize