I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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