I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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