This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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