fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
