I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
