Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
