yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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