as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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