just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
