Whod you bang
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
