also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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