oh god the rape fog is back!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
