I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
