My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
