Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
