I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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