wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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