the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
