I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
