smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
