He kissed a someone with a penis
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
