It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
