Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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