dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
