Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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