if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
