do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
