you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
