my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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