I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
