i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
