Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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