Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
