This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
