So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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