Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
