I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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