shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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