I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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