Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
