he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
