Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
