I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
