oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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