The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
