No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
