you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
