theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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