I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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