If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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