I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
