I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
