as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
