I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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