Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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