Plan B is the new Plan A
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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