He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
