apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize