when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
