and you said cock pushups were impossible
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My ass is underappreciated
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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