I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
