the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
