My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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