I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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