Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize