You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
